


No Words Needed (One Shots)

by LegendsFightHungry



Category: EXO (Band), NCT (Band)
Genre: Brotherhood, Brotherly Love, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Japanese Culture, Leadership, No Porn, No Romance, One Shot, One Shot Collection, Sick Character, Sickfic, Slice of Life, Worry, respect
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:42:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26453557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LegendsFightHungry/pseuds/LegendsFightHungry
Summary: Bonds between brothers are stronger than they would believe. Eyes speak more than words could. They no longer need words.One-shots on the brotherhood in EXO, Super-M and NCT.1: Baekhyun & Kyungsoo2: Lu Han & Kai3: Junmyeon, Taeyong & Mark4: Ten, SuperM5: Yuta, Shotaro6: Ten, SuperM (Part 2)
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten, Byun Baekhyun/Do Kyungsoo | D.O, Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas, Huang Ren Jun & Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung, Huang Ren Jun/Lee Taeyong, Kim Jongin | Kai/Lu Han, Kim Junmyeon | Suho & Lee Taeyong, Lee Taemin & Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten, Lee Taeyong/Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten, Mark Lee & Lee Taeyong, Mark Lee/Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten, Nakamoto Yuta/Osaki Shotaro
Comments: 25
Kudos: 227





	1. Kyungsoo and Baekhyun: When Baekhyun Was Quiet

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing oneshots. Looks similar to short stories, let's see how they feel. Also am very new to the fandom (like was introduced weeks ago and completely plunged into the fanfiction community), so please do inform me if I get any of the EXO facts wrong. Feel free to drop in one shot suggestions as well. Thanks!
> 
> P.S Tags will be added as I go

It has been a long day, practices in the morning, a photoshoot afterwards, a meeting with the higher-ups, and to end it all, a game show interview..

They caught up on some sleep on the way there, or tried to. As much as he was exhausted Kyungsoo couldn't get himself to fall asleep. There was always a lingering discomfort when he dealt with interviews, a slight dread of being exposed.or interrogated. Because everyone knew Kyungsoo wasn't the best with words. Many MCs and journalists had tried to trick him into saying things, and he always barely missed getting fatally internet-roasted.

Something grew warmer on his right. Kyungsoo glanced at Baekhyun, who was sound asleep and whose head was slowly tilting. He meant to guide his member's head to rest on his shoulder when he was surprised at how warm Baekhyun's neck was. Kyungsoo froze as the head grew heavier on his shoulder, making sure he didn't jolt Baekhyun awake. After a solid minute, he slowly brought a hand up.

True enough, it felt like touching a cup full of hot tea. Not to mention Baekhyun was sweating profusely, hair practically dripping.

Kyungsoo sighed. They were going to reach the venue in 20 minutes, it was too late to report someone being sick. And it was not like Baekhyun would ever agree to being declared 'sick' in front of all the members. Very well, hopefully Baekhyun could power through for two more hours, then Kyungsoo can secretly deliver paracetamol and cups of tea to his room in the dorm tonight.

They were passing an office building of some sort with bright lights. It made their reflection clearer in the window, ans Kyungsoo caught sight of Baekhyun's squeezing his eyes and blinking repeatedly.

"You're not sleeping?" Kyungsoo whispered. Baekhyun attemped a "Mmm", but it cracked and ended up being a whimper. Kyungsoo again held a palm to Baekhyun's forehead, this time freely considering Baekhyun was never sleeping in the first place.

"You're burning up."

"Mm"

***

Kyungsoo was known as the actor, but he would now say Baekhyun acted way better than he ever could, walking around and helping unload jackets fot everyone in swift movements. Kyungsoo had the urge to flich whenever Baekhyun turned quickly or threw a jacket at someone. He has had a fever before, he knew every sudden motion equated to a pang of headache and exerting energy was unbearable with the muscle ache. Not to mention the chilly air. It became so worrying he couldn't help but Baekhyun inside before the pink-haired began unloading water bottles.

Once inside, Kyungsoo pulled him to sit on a staircase. Baekhyun winced, squeezing his eyes.

"Headache?"

Baekhyun pretended to grin when the manager was looking their way, then said a weak "yeah".

"Why are you-" Kyungsoo searched for the word. Not just pretending, but going that many extra miles.

"They'd see immediately if I was quiet." Kyungsoo nodded, realizing he would too. When someone usually had the energy of toddlers in a sugar-high, everyone would notice if they even slowed down a little. Unlike those like Kyungsoo who could be silent an entire day and no one would ask. He glanced at his exhausted teammate. It wasn't easy being the noisy one. Wait.

He smirked, patting Baekhyun on the back.

***

It was later known as the night Kyungsoo got possessed by Baekhyun. He didn't even have to do that much. An aegyo, some snarky comments, being extra annoying to Junmyeon, and some random screaming. Nothing compared to what Baekhyun normally does, but given it was Kyungsoo everyone saw it as unbelievably unusual, so much so that they didn't notice a missing source of noise.

Meanwhile, he had handed Baekhyun to Yixing, the only one who noticed Baekhyun's walking wasn't stable. He gripped Baekhyun's arm the entire time in case Baekhyun would collapse. The two had stayed in the corner, answering a few questions here and there, while Kyungsoo took the spotlight in the center.

On the way back to the dorms, Baekhyun again leaned on Kyungsoo's shoulder, this time breathing heavily. Kyungsoo watched their reflection for the entire trip. Yes, he wasn't too good with words. But if wrecking his brain in search for a smart comment meant his friend got to rest, he'd do it any day.


	2. Kai & Lu Han: Pretend You Can

It was one of those rare Sundays when they had a day off. Half of the group were still sleeping, some went out to get groceries and others went out to meet friends. They didn't really report their locations to each other, only Suho would know everyone's location at all times. 

Kai scrolled his phone aimlessly on the couch, listening to Lu Han humming at the end of the room, sipping his coffee. Chen was curled up on another seat, initially watching the television but had long fallen asleep. 

Kai leaned back, groaning. He couldn't get that out of his mind. That one move he kept slipping on yesterday. The one which he came so close to doing and still didn't. He got up, attracting Lu Han's attention. Kai hesitated inside, but he was fast enough to not let it show. Maybe. 

"I'll go for a jog," he said. Lu Han nodded. Kai wondered for a bit if Lu Han caught his blatant lie, but if Lu Han said nothing then it didn't matter. He entered his room to change. 

***

Lu Han watched Kai slip behind the door. He knew exactly where Kai was going, but he wasn't going to stop the younger. Had it been him, he'd also try to sneak out. In fact, every single one of them would. They can't help it. 

Quietly, he pulled several ice packs from the freezer, tucked it into a paper bag, and left before Kai came out of his room. 

*** 

Kai cursed, out loud. He didn't care. No one was here to hear him, and even if they were, everyone knows how swearing goes inside dance rooms. He picked himself up, feeling his legs protest. He bit down on his lip. The soreness hurt a lot, but it was also one of the most satisfying things, second to actually mastering the move. 

He spun, side-stepped. Slipped. Landed on his knees, from which he felt a searing pain travel up to his hips. He felt his airway cut off for a second. He rolled, facing the ceiling as he gasped for air. There was no one. Kai smiled. He loved the fact that he could finally fail, fall, cry and no one will be there to make him stop. And he could take as long as he wanted to. He closed his eyes, waiting for the pain to fade. 

Who knew how long he was there. He wasn't counting, and it felt nice. He only jolted back into his head when he felt a sharp soreness on his knee as it was being straightened. 

"Hold on, give it two minutes," a low voice said. Kai opened his eyes to see Lu Han crouching next to him. He sat up a little too quick, wincing when another bolt of pain shot up. "Lie down," Lu Han said, nudging him back. Kai obeyed, sighing. There was no point in resisting now. Somehow Lu Han found him and he will definitely be sent back to the dorms. 

Lu Han pressed an ice pack to his hip, making Kai bite his lip to silence himself. But he couldn't keep the yell in when another was placed very slowly on his knee. Lu Han didn't say anything. Kai opened his eyes, slightly amused. Usually Lu Han would be full of reassuring words and hushes. Lu Han was in the clothes he wore in the dorm this morning, a thin, nearly torn up shirt and jeans. Definitely not dressed to dance, and probably not to go anywhere the paparazzi can find him either. 

Wait a minute. He told Lu Han he was jogging. When he finished changing, Lu Han wasn't there anymore. And Lu Han miraculously appeared here. It could only mean Lu Han had called his lie out on the spot and followed him to the dance studio. Which meant he probably had been watching Kai fail like a thousand times earlier, and the fall as well. But Lu Han hadn't stopped him, hadn't rushed in, hadn't scolded him for injuring himself again. 

"You good?" Lu Han asked, removing the ice packs. He held out a hand to help Kai up. When Kai put weight on the leg, he near collapsed, but Lu Han was already holding him. He limped to the bench, leaning on his hyung, feeling defeated. Lu Han's phone rang. 

"Yes, Myeon?" Kai clenched his jaw. He was in trouble. Suho would race to this place and be so worried it hurt anyone who was watching. "Yeah, I'm with Kai. We're watching Ant-Man. Okay, be home in 2 hours, see ya." 

Kai stared, open-mouthed. Lu Han lied to Suho? A spark of excitement lit inside of him. 

"You think you good to try again?" Lu Han asked, standing up. Kai grinned. He hadn't heard that sentence for months. Ever since his multiple injuries, everyone had guarded him, checked on him with concerned faces at almost every practice. And rightfully so, because Kai had to admit he could easily paralyse himself accidentally anytime. 

But the thrill of testing limits would never fail to tempt him. The rush of yelling 'no matter what'. The knowledge that he was hurting and still pushing on. The things everyone did when they bad just started. He was beyond glad to have a taste of it all again. 

He got up, and hit the floor immediately, barely avoiding hitting the bruised spot again, had Lu Han not caught him. Lu Han chuckled, grinning. Kai looked up, struck, before he began laughing too. Laughing just like they used to do when they fell, and all the other members were teasing them. Back when they fell because they were clumsy. Not injured. 

Lu Han shrugged. 

"Maybe lunch first." 

"Deal. Chicken?" 

"Spicy," Lu Han said, opening the delivery app on his phone. "Then we try again."

Kai nodded, smiling. Obviously he can't try again. He knew he'd need to hold on to Lu Han to limp all the way home. He could already hear Baekhyun's panicked voice calling everyone later, and Yixing rushing to help him to the couch. He knew too well how Jongdae would hold him tightly when the Kris bandaged the sprain, Jongdae himself trembling. It was all a routine. Inevitable. 

But as for now, he'd enjoy chicken with one of his quieter hyungs. Cherishing old times, embracing the present.


	3. Junmyeon & Taeyong & Mark: Miss Them (Crossover)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heyyy if it's not your first time here you would know there was another crossover between EXO and NCT, but that one flopped too badly. So I got another idea and rewrote it. Enjoy!

Junmyeon headed to the canteen. They have just finished the group dance session. Baekhyun and Chen were practicing their solos a little bit more to make sure they both were synchronized. Meanwhile, Junmyeon thought he'd get everyone drinks.

As he approached the stairs, he caught sight of two people on the opposite corridor. One had purple hair, Junmyeon knew who that was. The other was smaller, stood stiffer, and looked at his senior with terrified eyes.

"Please, just say it however you want. Whatever comes to your head." Taeyong said. Junmyeon took a few steps downstairs as to not be seen, but still be able to watch the scene. "Mark listen. We don't mind you crying if you're sad. But you've been sad a lot. It's healthy to let someone know. You have to release."

Mark dropped his head, biting his lip, while Taeyong held him by the shoulders. Eventually he patted Mark's head, whispering something which Junmyeon guessed were some reassuring words, and let his younger member back into the room.

Taeyong leaned on the wall, on the exact spot where Mark had stood on. He stared blankly, running fingers through his hair. Then he put his hands in his pocket. His feet began tapping. And Junmyeon recognized it all, the restless gestures, the blank mind, the urgency to do something and the inability to figure out what. It was the gesture of cluelessness, when you absolutely know you need to do something for your members and yet you have no idea where to start. And you desperately want to tell someone but you're the leader and you can't let the members lose their anchor. So you suppress it, you try hard to think, but your brain goes autopilot and fails at processing anything, and you stand there panicking on your own. 

Slowly, Junmyeon stepped back up, acting like he had just came up from somewhere. Taeyong met his eyes and bowed slightly. Junmyeon nodded as little as possible, walking silently to stand right next to him. Taeyong didn't respond. When you're in that state your brain doesn't process much and simply accepts whatever happened around you. This also means Junmyeon can speak straight to his point and Taeyong won't question why he knew all this. 

"You're worried about Mark." 

"Yeah." 

"He's been sad?" 

"He cries when we sing. I could say he's just that much into the song but I know that's not it." 

"Just any song?" 

"Songs about friendship." Taeyong said this sentence like it hurt him physically, pressing his chin to his chest. Junmyeon paused, finding the next question. "I'm afraid he's going to leave." 

The moment he said it, Taeyong switched into his mind. He jerked his head towards Junmyeon, looking confused. 

"No hyung- I mean. Wait, how do you..." his eyes caught the stairs. "Oh, you were.." 

"Yeah I was eavesdropping. Sorry," Junmyeon said. "Why do you think he's doing to leave?" 

Taeyong presed his lips together. "Uhm, well... back then I saw.." 

"Oh," Junmyeon said a little too loud, faceslapping himself instinctively. Of course. Because Tao had been crying everytime they sang an emotional song before he left. Taeyong was still a trainee back then, but he did watch a few of their training sessions. Junmyeon felt proud for a moment, to think that the little boy who peeked in their windows back then now led the largest group in the company. And it also pained him that the innocent little boy now felt the same burden of a leader like he did, possibly more. 

And what can Junmyeon say to comfort him? Absolutely nothing. Leaving is always a possibility. Even if nothing was wrong with the group dynamics, or the schedule, or the practices, the pressure and attention of being an idol is enough to press anyone out of their limits, literally anytime.

"I gotta go, hyung. Thank you." Taeyong said quietly, turning around towards his practice room. Junmyeon squeezed his shoulder for a little before heading down for the drinks. 

*** 

It was late at night that day when Junmyeon was climbing up the same stairs. Everyone had gone back to the dorms. Junmyeon had left his water bottle in the room and came back for it. He noticed the room NCT used this afternoon still had lights on. Slowly, he stepped nearer, not wanting to surprise anyone inside with his footsteps. 

He inched towards the window, making sure he stood at spots which were invisible from the inside. Only one person was there. Red-haired, white t-shirt. Mark. He was sitting on the floor, looking at his phone. Junmyeon was about to decide he looked fine, when Mark lifted his face to look emptily ahead, revealing the messy lines of tears all over. Junmyeon sighed. It was one thing to cry out of frustration when you can't master a dance, or when rumors about you get too crazy. But this kind of crying was different, it was desperate. The last time he saw someone cry like this... 

Junmyeon shook his head. Taeyong was incredible. He was so precise. 

The last time he saw someone cry like this was Tao said goodbye to them in the dorm. 

Junmyeon tapped the door handle, making himself heard. Mark looked up, terrified. He must be dreading having to open the door and showing whoever it was, that he was crying. But that was better than being surprised by someone just barging in. 

Junmyeon opened the door a little, only a slit through which Mark wouldn't be able to see who it was. But he could talk. 

"Hey, I'm Junmyeon. You don't have to reply me if you can't." Because he knew how terrible it felt to hear your own wet, sobbing voice when you're caught crying. 

"I won't open the door either. Don't worry." 

Junmyeon waited again until the silence felt comfortable. 

"Would you be okay if I ask you something? You can answer with tapping your shoe on the floor? You can tap once if you want to say yes. If not, it's fine too just stay still."

Junmyeon waited. The tap surprisingly didn't take too long to come. 

"Okay. Mark?" he lowered his voice. "You're hurting." 

Chills ran down Junmyeon's back when he heard a choked sob first, before a tap.

"No one in your groups knows?" 

"Someone does." Mark whispered. Junmyeon nodded to himself. He hadn't expected Mark to talk that fast, but that was good. "Sunbaenim, can you come in?" 

Junmyeon nearly froze. The fact that Mark still called him sunbaenim meant Mark didn't feel close to him yet, but despite that wanted to talk. And Mark won't talk to Taeyong? He didn't know where this was going. 

He opened the door. Mark still had his face buried behind his knees. He walked slowly, with loud footsteps so Mark knew where he was. Then he sat next to the boy, whispering "I'm here." 

"Hyung," Mark said, his voice cracking. Suho's heart melted at the change of addressing. Mark was signaling to Junmyeon that he felt safe. "I hurt someone." 

Junmyeon instantly crossed the possibility of Mark leaving. He waited for more. Nothing came.

"How?" 

"He was telling me something and I laughed about it. I didn't mean it. Then he completely closed down. And.. he's not being sensitive. It was something that meant a lot to him and.. if I were in his place I'd be really mad as well.. it's my fault. And I.. miss him." 

There was no point in asking who. It was none of Junmyeon's business.

"The others, do they know?" 

"He was quiet to begin with. They didn't notice. He only talked in our room. Now he doesn't talk to anyone. And he- he looks so sad." 

"He looks sad?" 

"He looks down a lot. And he cries alone at night when he thinks I was sleeping. But he always fakes a smile to me."

"Did you apologize?"

"Everyday," Mark whispered. "And he always said it's okay but I know its a lie. I told him he doesn't have to tell me, just tell someone. But he still doesn't. And lately, I don't know maybe something bad happened and he thinks he doesn't have anyone to talk to anymore. He began," Mark shivered a little. Junmyeon put an arm around his back. "Cutting, vomiting. He's crushing himself down. I'm afraid we'd lose him and it'd be my fault..." he sighed. Junmyeon said nothing. Silence comforts better than most people can. "Wait, hyung?" Mark lifted his face, facing Junmyeon. He then hesitated. 

"It's okay go on, what is it?"

"Uhm..." The kind of uhm new trainees make when they are about to ask for your autograph.

"Mark, it's fine. You can ask me for a favor. What do you think would work? Should I ask Taeyong to talk to him?" 

"Actually.. I was thinking.. can _you_ talk to him?" 

It took everything in Suho's self-control not to show a streak of surprise.

"You- I mean, sorry hyung. I-I know you're busy. But you were, um," Junmyeon nodded, encouraging Mark to speak. "The way you came, it felt so safe. But I don't mean that Taeyong hyung doesn't-uhm, it's just that I don't want to-" 

"I'll talk to him." Junmyeon cut. "Also if I may ask, did you not tell Taeyong because he seemed down as well these days?" 

Mark nodded. Junmyeon shook his head. When you all love each other too much, you hurt too much for each other. 

"Mark, let's look this way," Junmyeon said, stroking Mark's back. "Taeyong looks over 20 of you. He knows each of you like you're his kids. Don't you think he would see two of his kids acting differently?" 

Mark blinked, not seeming to follow. Junmyeon smiled.

"When you saw your friend was sad, and he kept it to himself, it hurts you a lot, right? So much so that you got stressed because you're so worried?" 

Another nod. Then Mark's eyes showed horror. Junmyeon winced at the rush of guilt Mark must feel. 

"Taeyong sees your friend, and you. And he thinks he's failing as a leader, just like you feel you're failing as a friend. How much do you think he hurts?" Mark squeezed his eyes. "But, remember," Junmyeon held Mark's arm to get his attention. "You can take half of Taeyong hyung's pain away anytime. You don't even have to tell him what happened. Just show him how you feel, let him know that you trust him." 

"Taeyong hyung, he's the best leader I know." 

"He's the best I know too," Junmyeon said. "Do you mind if I call him?"

"Uhm, it's late." 

"I'm sure he doesn't mind coming at any hour for his brother."

***

The door clicked, revealing a confused Taeyong who came in his pajamas. Junmyeon had texted him to come quick but not to worry, and that they simply wanted to have a casual talk with him in the dance studio.

Mark bounced to his feet and sprinted to his leader, wrapping Taeyong in his arms. Taeyong returned the hug, resting his chin on Mark's shoulder and rubbing his member's back. 

It was a solid minute before they pulled back. Junmyeon could see relief shining through Taeyong's glassy eyes. 

"I missed you hyung." 

"I haven't gone anywhere?" Taeyong whispered, still smiling at Mark like he was a long lost child. 

"I miss you, being happy, you know?" Mark said grinning, slipping back into his usual upbear talking style. 

Taeyong's shoulders relaxed, scruffling Mark's hair. "I missed you too." 

Silently and still smiling at the scene, Junmyeon made his way towards the door. Sometimes he missed his members too. The ones in the military, the ones in another country, the ones who have decided to run on their own paths. But as brothers, you don't simply miss one another. You'd miss them being happy. And he knew that though his members weren't together, they were all happy in their own places, and that was enough for him. 


	4. Ten: Voice (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is going to be a 2 part episode. A darker, serious, one. A lot of thoughts went into this and I'm using a less straightforward approach. Do let me know if any part gets confusing.
> 
> There are 6 parts to this, each part with Ten and another member as the center of the story.

"My fault for expecting any different from you. I always knew you were that kind of kid, your family always came last to you." The line went off. Ten flinched, pulling the phone away from his ears. His mother sounded like she wanted to spit at him. Ten shook his head, grunting. He didn't do anything wrong, he wasn't going to feel guilty for it. But something was heavy at the back of his head. 

Had it been something about the exhaustion, or the language, or the comments, it would've been easier. If Ten decides he couldn't take it any longer, he could ask someone else from the group. They all knew how it felt. Someone was bound to know how to deal with it. But with families, everyone felt differently. Not two people have even remotely similar situations. 

Ten heads to the bathroom. He leaned on the wall, eyeing the first-aid box. 

***

_I don't miss home._

They were just finishing practice, packing up. The rest had gone out for lunch, leaving Baekhyun who was busy trying to stuff his giant hoodie inside his backpack, and Ten who was moving slowly because he wanted some time alone. Ten stole some looks at Baekhyun, biting the inside of his cheek. Cold air was blowing in through an open window, attacking Ten behind his sweaty clothes. Ten didn't mind. Cold was familiar, friendly. 

"You done? Need help?" Baekhyun asked. Ten quickly shook his head and slung the his things over his shoulder. They walked side by side, Ten glancing once in a while and biting his tongue. 

"Are you going home this weekend?" 

"Where?" 

"Home. Like Thailand?"

"Why?" 

"Uh, do you guys celebrate parent's day? It's quite a thing here, a national holiday, but not big enough for major TVs to hold events for it. Which is why we get the day off. Most of us are going home, but if you're staying you'll have Lucas with you. His parents are on a business trip somewhere."

"Ahh," Ten said, pretending to know what that was. "No. I don't think my parents would expect me to come. And if I come they'd want to take leave from work, kind of a hassle for them."

Baekhyun nodded, sipping on his coffee as they left the room. 

_Of course he's not coming home. He doesn't care. Doesn't even come on new years. All he cares about his himself. He thinks sending money home is enough._

Acid rose up Ten's throat. He swallowed it back down. 

_"_ By the way, you left home pretty young, right? You were what.. like fifteen?" 

"Yeah..." Ten muttered. "Fourteen." 

"Wow. Do you miss home a lot?" 

No. Because all there is to home is anger and panic. Of course, that was not for Baekhyun to hear.

Back then, he was worried about his younger siblings, but going home doesn't help them, since his parents would simply get grumpier with his presence. All he could do was hope and wait for them to grow up and leave. These last four years had been the hardest, with only the youngest left there. Ten had no idea how she was surviving, and he couldn't find out because his parents won't let him have her number. None of his other siblings knew either. They'd never know if she was dying inside, if she's looking down from the roof, if she's caressing the kitchen knife. Heck, they won't know if she's underground. Even that, they wouldn't be informed of. 

Ten jumped when Baekhyun put a hand around his shoulder. 

"It's okay, we all miss home too. They understand we can't come home though, don't worry." 

Ten nodded, smiling. Thank goodness that silence translated to a yes. 

***

_I want a home._

"Teacher?" A little boy called, almost squeaked. 

"Mm?"

"Can I call you Haeng-nim?" 

"Sure," Taeyong smiled, scruffling the boy's hair. "When we meet next time you can call me haeng-nim." 

Ten chuckled, pausing the video. He elbowed Taeyong beside him who couldn't help smiling himself. 

"You're so cute, haeng-nim." 

"Shut up." 

"You should be a preschool teacher." 

Taeyong smirked, shaking his head. 

"I'd rather wait for my own." 

He answered softly, but it was enough for both Ten to turn, and Mark at the other side of the room to start jumping, a fork still in hand. 

"Taeyong hyung wants kids!" 

Taeyong burst into laughter, followed by Mark and Ten.

"Why not? You don't want any?" 

"Ah well," Mark said, still grinning. "That's a long time from now. Ten hyung, you?" 

Ten smirked, earning more excited reaction from Mark. Mark didn't have to know the real meaning behind the smirk.

Ten would never want children, because he would have full influence over them. All his words, his mistakes, his oblivion would be carried to their graves. 

He glanced at his phone screen, frozen at a scene of Taeyong smiling. Even he felt safe into Taeyong's warm smile. It wasn't fake. It didn't send a message that the world is this friendly, colorful easy playground. It said the world was a harsh place, but you'll have haeng-nim to follow, and as long as you hold on tight you'd be fine. It was the feeling a kid deserves to live in, at least for a few years before they were tossed into the reality that everyone walks alone. Taeyong can do that. He can give his kids that. His kids would be some lucky children.

Ten couldn't. His best bet was that his kids would have was to not be born, because he knew he would bring them inevitable suffering, even if he meant well. His parents too, had said they meant well. 

_"You dare cry, huh boy. Try me, cry. Cry and you'll see what real suffering looks like. I'll show you. And don't give me that look, this is for your own good. You children always hate their parents although we mean well, fine by me. Hate me. You'll see how wrong you were later on."_

_The belt came, and it came again, and again, and again. Ten didn't cry a single tear that day._

"Hey, you tired?" Taeyong asked, nudging Ten. Ten nodded, turning his phone off and heading into his dorm room. 

He closed the door and sighed. Taeyong's voice rang in his ears. A soft whisper which cared if Ten was tired. Ten wanted to hear it forever, to have someone to hold onto. Somewhere he could go and not have to look around himself for possible mistakes he might commit.

What a place it would be.

It doesn't exist.

He felt his eyes heating up. 

_Keep pitying yourself. You'll see no one pities you._

Ten bit his tongue. It quickly began to bleed. It hurt. His vision got more blurry. When people hurt, they... 

Not Ten. He wasn't crying. No way.

He swirled the blood in his mouth, tasting how nasty it was. He held his breath, feeling his chest tightening every second. Because when people hurt, they start to cry. Ten had learned early on that in order to not cry, you keep adding more hurt. You'd never end up crying. 

***

 _I hate myself_.

It was late that day when they returned to the dorms. Just as Kai closed the door behind him, the dorm phone began to ring. 

"Hello?" Taemin said, picking it up. Immediately, his eyes widened. He slammed the phone, ran to the windows and yanked them close. 

"Call the police." 

"On it," Kai said. Within the next minute, all the windows were closed, the lights were switched off and the six stayed together in the center of the living room. It was nothing new. They knew exactly what was going on, they called it crazy fan attack. 

"What'd he say," Baekhyun whispered, so softly it was barely audible. 

"Outside, has a gun. Wants Mark." Taemin replied. 

"Wants me out, or wants me dead?" Mark asked flatly. Taeyong pulled Mark into his arms before anyone could answer, holding Mark's forehead to his chest. "It's fine, I'm fine," Mark said, muffled, emotionless. Taeyong shushed him. 

Because they all knew what a crazy fan intruding can do, especially with a gun. Huddling together here didn't mean that they were half safe. The fact that this person can go pass layers of security and give them a call means he or she could headshot them anytime. 

Then someone began breathing heavily. No one responded at first, because they had to try to move as little as possible. Until Taemin began muttering in between breaths. 

"No, I'm sorry, shit, no, sorry," 

"Relax, breathe. Taemin, breathe, follow me." Baekhyun said under his breath. This was bad. If Taemin was to have a panic attack and start wheezing or choking, the intruder can easily detect their exact spot. Taemin was desperately trying to calm down, but it only meant his breathing got shorter. Mark quickly pulled back so Taeyong can attend to the fellow member. 

"Shit, no. I screwed," 

"Shh, calm down." 

"I can't-" 

"You have to." Ten heard himself whisper. It was sharp and low. Harsh. Merciless. Taemin coughed once, then his breathing began slowing down. "You can do it," Ten added, just to make himself feel better. 

Ten felt Lucas's hand searching for his. Ten took it, still not believing himself. He got mad. Maybe the others didn't know, but he couldn't lie to himself. He was mad at his friend who was having a panic attack, and he didn't know why. 

_"Shit, no! See you screwed up."_

_A woman in shorts and a baggy shirt passed by him hurriedly. Then she passed again, muttering the same words. Her breathing became shorter._

_"Y-y-you see! What have you done - shit I can't breathe - you're killing me you bastard!"_

_Ten held his boarding pass tightly, standing still. The company had given him that after he passed auditions, and he had hidden it for almost a month._

_"No, what will all the people say, my son is - you're stupid! Why would you take that-"_

_"I'm leaving tomorrow."_

_Ten left the next day._

The police sirens screeched outside. Footsteps, a lot of them. Fast. Approaching. Lucas began trembling and Ten pulled him into a hug. 

"STOP THERE!" 

Gunshots.

They ducked, covering for each other. 

More gunshots. 

Then it was silent. No one said anything. They breathed as quietly as possible. 

Until there was a knock on the front door. Everyone sighed a breath of relief. Ten took it, knowing it was the police. Indeed it was. They checked if anyone was injured, for any property damages, then left. 

They all sat on the couch, exhausted. Kai chose to take a shower. 

"Hey Ten," Taemin said. "Thanks for earlier. I didn't know why but that really calmed me down." 

Ten nodded, pretending to be too tired to answer. Eyeing the ceiling, he clenched his jaw. How could he? How could he get mad at a terrified friend? What kind of heart did he have? What kind of person was he, did he feel that superior as compared to his peers, that he had the audacity to feel annoyed at something they can't control? 

What kind of person are you, Ten? 

_Exactly. He cares only for himself._

Ten wanted to punch himself in the face. If only that would get the voice out. 

He hated himself. 


	5. Yuta & Shotaro: Respect and Fear

Nothing seemed to be going wrong, but nothing is certainly going right. And there were way too many things. You can never fully breathe. 

Yuta's phone rang, right next to his hand. He glared at it, not moving a single other muscle. He didn't want to hear anyone now, no humans. No fans, no managers, no bosses, no leaders, no teammates, no juniors, no siblings, no parents, none. Why can't he ever just have a moment of peace? 5 full minutes without being pulled somewhere, called somewhere. 

Well, he sure can, if he sacrificed his sleep for it. It'd be silent at 2am for sure. Not everyone was asleep, Heechan would still be playing in his room but he won't come and bother. Jaehyun and Jungwoo would be recording through the night, which also meant they won't call. Everyone else should be under the sheets. Slowly, Yuta crawled under his table. It was the darkest part of the room, positioned right where he could see anyone coming in through the door, but whoever came in would not think of even looking there. It made him feel in control, to know if anyone would come, and be sure that no one would come. Something certain. 

Until someone came. 

Yuta was drifting into his sleep when he heard the door click open. He leered at the bunks. He didn't share a room with anyone, which meant if anyone came here to find the room's occupant, they were looking for him. And Yuta wasn't one of the people who were looked for often at night, because night talks usually involved tears and comfort, not his forte. He'd leave that to Taeyong, Jaehyun and Jungwoo. A tiny figure stepped in, Yuta scrunched his eyebrows. Renjun, Chenle or Jisung. Too short to be Jaemin, Jeno, or Winwin, too skinny to be Heechan or Lucas, and too hesitant to be one of the 127 members. Yuta almost jumped when the figure immediately looked his way. Had the lights been on, their eyes would probably have met. 

Yuta stayed silent and still. The person can't see his face, so he could pretend to be asleep and ignore all the questions thrown his way. 

The figure walked closer. Yuta could see him pulling back on his steps, but he still moved forward towards the table. He stopped right in front of the drawers, just far enough from arm-reach to Yuta. He faced the wall, not seeming to acknowledge Yuta's presence. Slowly, he puts his knees on the floor, then his arms, then his head. And he just stayed there. 

Yuta stared. Whose brain has gotten that haywire to worship the wall? Should he call the ambulance for the mental hospital? And he wasn't joking, anyone who actually got crazy would be in real danger. Once again, Yuta had to leave his peace to deal with someone's problems, but now that he was already in action mode he didn't mind. First, guess who it was. The hair looked like Jisung, but his back was shaped like Renjun. Never mind. Yuta was clueless. Maybe just get into it then. 

"Are you okay?" Yuta was impressed at how low and warm his voice came out to be. His confidence spiked, letting him put a hand on the figure's back. 

"Yuta..." the figure whispered shakily. "niisan."

Yuta's eyes widened. Oh. Right. He completely forgot. 

"Yuta-nissan. Yuta... niisan. Oniisan. Yuta-" It was for some reason more heartbreaking. Yuta remembered how Jisung would cry to Taeyong when he was absolutely terrified of everything, he also had the habit of repeating Taeyong's name indefinitely. But Jisung would cry and sob in between. Shotaro didn't. He said Yuta's name like a mantra, like a prayer. Like he was drilling Yuta's name into his own head. 

"Yes?" Unfortunately, Yuta couldn't do it like Taeyong. He just wasn't the type to. If he would start stroking Shotaro's back or kissing his forehead, it would all become strange and almost funny. He had to do it his way, and that was answering emotionlessly. 

Shotaro stopped. He breathed loudly, in rhythm. And so he did for the next five minutes while Yuta's head was blank. 

"You wanna get up?" was what he finally managed. 

"Everybody is too good. Everyone is amazing. Everyone. I... respect... I'm scared, I really respect-" 

"I know." Yuta said. He understood now. The kid had been so overwhelmed that he was desperate for a way to show respect, and apparently all he found was by worshipping a wall. But Shotaro also shared a room with Mark, and Mark would not have remotely grasped the idea. Clearly he chose Yuta because he was Japanese. 

"You don't show respect like that, kiddo. Up, let me show you." 

Shotaro had barely lifted his face but Yuta pulled him up and hugged him. The boy shrunk in his arms. Yuta tapped his back.

"No don't shrink. Hug me back like you mean it. It's respectful. It's loving."

The hug tightened, Shotaro breathing warm air into his shirt. Yuta nodded. 

"Don't confuse respect and fear. The people here are amazing. I'd be lying if I tell you the way Taeyong's leads doesn't scare me. Or say, Mark's discipline. Mark is unbelievable. Even Jisung. You've seen him a lot.“

”He's amazing, oniisan."

Yuta felt warmth run down his spine. It was the first time in years that someone referred to him as that, rather than hyung. It made him want to protect Shotaro more, like this boy was his responsibility. Like Mark had a special bond with Johnny. Jeno will go to Doyoung. Renjun and Chenle to Kun and Winwin. 

"When you feel that you need to show respect and you don't know how to, it turns to fear."

Shotaro lifted his head, wide-eyed. A sign that Yuta had definitely read him accurately. The boy pulled back, stood away and looked at the floor. Yuta wanted to curse at himself for impressing, maybe shocking the boy. Now he probably thinks Yuta can miraculously read most of his thoughts, and likely more scared than before. Back to square 1.

"I-it does. Oniisan. " 

Yuta bit his lip. 

"Hey. I hugged you first. Chill." Yuta heard his own voice become colder. It was something his father used to do to smack fear out of him. Shotaro tucked his head a little lower. 

"I'm sorry-"

"You need to stop being sorry." 

Shotaro froze. Yuta walked over and clicked the light switch on, purposely wanting to see the boy. Shotaro didn't turn around, staying put on his spot. As expected, he was trembling, probably in the verge of tears. 

"Come," Yuta said from a distance, as softly as possible. So much so that he thought he sounded like a woman, but in this case it wasn't a problem. Shotaro turned abruptly, surprise in his eyes. That's the first step. "Let's go show respect. There's always a chance to do that, with this many people."

Shotaro stiffened, but Yuta pushed him gently, and the boy of course, could not go against him. They headed to the kitchen sink, where dirty plates were piled up. Beside it, a full cup of coffee was left sitting and had gone cold. Yuta dumped it to the sink before he turned on the tap, careful to not make noise. He gestured to Shotaro to stand next to him. He scrubbed a plate and handed it to the kid, and they washed most of the dishes in silence. Yuta stopped when there were only two plates left. 

"Oniisan-" 

"Shh," Yuta said, drying a coffee cup and a spoon. "That makes it look like most people cleaned their own plates, and only a few forgot. Most days, I'm one of those who forget." He smirked as he saw amazement grow in Shotaro's face. He slid the coffee cup on the counter, scooped two spoons of instant powder on it, dropped the spoon in and left. "And if Taeyong later on wonders where'd he leave his coffee, he'd think he was just that tired and hadn't had time to brew it." 

They headed to the bathroom. Yuta handed Shotaro a rag, and the boy didn't need instructions. They were done within 15 minutes. Shotaro found a room spray in the corner and took off the cap when Yuta stopped him. 

"They'd find out someone did the cleaning if it smells good. We want them to think everyone were being clean." Yuta uncapped the toothpaste and left it beside the sink. "A little decoration to avoid suspicion." 

It continued. Tuning Mark's guitar and then leaving it on his bed next to him, as if he hugged it to sleep. Turning off the TV properly and arranging the game controllers on the coffee table, then carrying unconscious kids from the couch to the rooms as if the Dreamies had decided at a decent hour to go sleep and instead of falling asleep. Taking off Taeyong's glasses from his face and putting it on his nightstand. Folding up the clothes that have been left in the dryer and leaving them in the laundry room. 

The sun was beginning to rise when Yuta noticed Shotaro yawning. After wiping down the stove, he threw the rag in the washing machine along with the dirty laundry which was already inside, and didn't turn it on. He nodded to Shotaro before heading back to his room. 

"Uh.. should I... should I leave you-"

"Do you know how respect looks like now?" Yuta mumbled, leaning onto his work table, gazing at the closed window. 

"Y-yes." 

"Sure? Let me test you then. How'd you show _me_ some respect?" 

"Uhm.." 

"The most important part is, spare the person the discomfort of knowing someone did them a favor." 

"I see. Then.." 

"Then?" 

"Then can I hug you?" 

Yuta smiled. Smart kid. He got it immediately. 

"Come," he said. Shotaro held him the way he had taught a few hours ago. "You show me respect like this, yes."


	6. Doyoung and Renjun: Something Was Wrong, Who Knows What

Supposedly, nothing was wrong. They were having a break from promotions and practices weren't too busy. Often times everyone would go out at night and have dinner together. It was one of those rare few weeks when they lived human lives, and yet Doyoung could sense something unsettled with some of them. 

Not that it was surpising. Heck, 23 people. One or two could be just not feeling it at any given day, and that'd be normal. But Doyoung had felt a missing energy for days, and it wasn't that easy to see who was quiet while trying to calm the insane ones, which during holiday seasons happened to include Taeyong, Jaemin, Ten and Johnny, that's minus 4 people from the parent line and 4 extra people to watch over. Maybe Doyoung would consider it 5 because Taeyong was unbelievable this time. He understood it was stress relief, but he still wished a 25 year old man would at least not set off a fire extinguisher accidentally.

The older members went out to drink tonight, and Doyoung had been wanting to cook for days so he volunteered to stay back and babysit whoever weren't going. The Dreamies plus Shotaro and Sungchan, were all bunched on the couch over a video game. Yangyang was the only one outside Dream who couldn't drink yet. He as well joined the pile. Hendery wanted to sleep on the carpet, so he did, Taeil didn't want to drink and was helping Doyoung out, thank goodness for him. Mark really tried to help, Doyoung ended up giving him the task of watching the chicken soup and making sure it didn't burn, taking advantage of the fact that Mark didn't think of how on earth would a 5 liter pot of soup burn. 

Doyoung caught a muffled groan and turned towards the couch. Groans of course were common, with Jisung not wanting to be touched or Jaemin losing for the twentieth time, but the voice was different and the intensity sparked Doyoung's ear. He spotted a small figure pushed to the sidemost seat, bending backwards over the armrest so his head was hanging at the outside of the couch. He then sighed, seemingly loudly but drowned under the chaos of his fellow members. He lifted himself back up, pulling his knees onto the seat and resting his head on top. 

So it was him. He was usually one of the most chaotic kids, but he was violent without the noise, thus how no one noticed. 

"Mark, can you stir this?" Mark's eyes lit up with joy, and so did Taeil's, with surprise. Doyoung shot his hyung a cautionary look, making sure he knew to watch over Mark. 

He walked over from behind, putting an arm around Renjun's shoulder. The kid flinched, way too hard to be hidden. 

"Come with me for a bit outside. I need to get garlic and I see you're not playing." It wasn't a difficult excuse to find. Renjun nodded and obeyed. 

Doyoung grabbed the keys and his jacket, ignoring Taeil's confused look. When they were outside, he made sure Renjun wore his jacket, asked him to hold onto the money for a while, and purposefully fumbled with wearing his jacket, long enough for Renjun to look elsewhere. Once the kid's attention was elsewhere, he fled for the door, closed it and locked. 

A panicked "What the hell" in chinese came from the outside, followed by banging and Renjun calling his name repeatedly. "Is this a joke or what? Hyung!" Doyoung ignored it, and instead headed towards the Dreamies who were all now staring his way. He crouched in front of all of them. 

"Has he been off lately?" 

"Yeah." Jeno said without hesitation. "We asked him. He said he didn't know why either." 

"He pulls on his hair and like, bends over at all these weird position and tosses and turns all night," Jisung said.

"Actually he did say," Chenle began, pausing a little when all eyes shot to him. "He just feels something is wrong but he doesn't know what." 

The banging on the door got harder. Doyoung walked over, and was stopped in his tracks when he heard sobbing and screaming along the begging to be let in. It has been thirty seconds, and Renjun was one of the kids who didn't cry. 

"Are you hurt?" Doyoung asked, making sure his trick wasn't actually dangerous. Sobs were his reply. "Renjun, are you physically hurt?"

"No." Doyoung breathed in relief. "Do you know why you're crying?" 

"Because you locked me out!!!" 

"Well-yes. I'm sorry. Did I scare you? Do you want to come in?" 

"N-no..."

"Is something wrong?" 

"Yes. Don't ask why I didn't tell anyone though because had I known what the hell, I would've too." Doyoung could clearly hear he was pissed. Then he realized he didn't know what to do. Usually the members would have tons of things to pour out and they would hide it. If so, Doyoung could simply listen, and hug, but Renjun was hiding nothing. He knew perfectly that something was wrong and he told the others but he was stuck at what it was. 

"Uh..." 

"I wanna go somewhere. I'll be back," Renjun said, followed by footsteps. 

"Huh? Uhm.. okay."

Doyoung came back to the kitchen to find that Taeil explaining everything to Mark. 

"Its anxiety from suddenly being able to just relax." he said, turning to Doyoung. 

"Oh... how'd you.. tell?" Doyoung asked, taking back the wooden spoon from Mark. Taeil glanced at Mark, smirking. 

"About four years ago someone in the Rookie Station almost accidentally set himself on fire during winter break because there was suddenly nothing to do."

Doyoung waited for more. A thought passed about how back then they had holidays and how he missed it. Then he saw the smug look on Mark's face too and realized. Oh. Right. 

"Back then you practically took up a kitchen worker's job just so you won't feel off. I'm pretty sure Renjun is off to find some stuff to do as well." 

"Guys! What did Renjun like to do back then?" Mark yelled towards the kids.

"Draw," Jisung said flatly. Mark nodded. Everybody knew that. 

"Uhm.. actually.. " Jaemin said, scrunching his eyebrows. "I think mop the floor." 

That was when they all heard a splash outside the door, and water began seeping under the door. Doyoung raced to open the door to find the open area between the units completely flooded, and Renjun scrubbing the cement floor with a huge mop. He stood, freezing. 

"You're right," Sungchan said, sounding amused. Jaemin let out a choked laugh. 

"Why-why didn't you just- like-dip the mop in the bucket?" Mark stuttered, making Renjun stop his motions. 

"Because that's how they used to do it in his school," Jaemin answered, clearly having heard the answer from Renjun before. 

"I guess... since he's cleaning up anyway... it's fine?" Taeil asked.

"What's that smell?" Jeno asked. Doyoung saw Taeil's wide eyes meet his before they raced to the kitchen. Thry did not reach it quick enough. Doyoung stared blankly as the sprinklers turned on. 

"Shit," Taeil said, tapping Doyoung on the shoulder to snap him out. Doyoung followed him to the door, realizing halfway what more had arrived. Of course, the older ones, some completely wasted. The Dreamies were laughing their heads off as they helped the mess their hyungs had made themselves into.

Kun shot Doyoung a look begging for help as he hauled a sleeping Xiaojun in, while Johnny struggled to do the same to Lucas and Winwin. Taeyong was conscious, but showed no signs of awareness whatsoever, casually strolling in without noticing Renjun still mopping outside. It left none but Jaehyun and Ten standing at the doorway, eyes darting between the flooded floor, at Renjun who decided stay quiet and continue mopping as to create as much confusion possible, and the sprinklers still on inside. 

Well. At least no one would have more anxiety. No more for a long time. Just cardiac arrests for Doyoung. 


	7. Ten: Voice (Part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I met my uncle, and of course, immediate boost of inspiration.

_I'm hurting you_

"Hyung! Are these your baby pictures?" Ten's head shot up upon Mark's too excited voice from the other side of the room. The boy was sitting on the counter, making him look like a middle schooler. Ten sunk a little deeper into the couch. Mark grinned at him, "You're so cute!" 

Ten realized too late that he was supposed to smile or react. Mark's smile vanished when Ten stared for a moment too long. He quickly swiped his phone screen and tucked it in his pocket. 

"Sorry hyung, sorry. I-I forgot you're not comfortable with that - argh I'm so sorry." 

Ten should be calming Mark down, telling him it was okay, but again, he realized too late and was just staring the entire time. Mark looked more terrified by the second, approaching the couch, probably to apologize more. Ten coughed, finally feeling like he had managed to snap out. He put a hand around Mark's shoulder when the younger sat beside him. 

"It's okay. I was surprised."

"Really I'm so sorry," Mark's voice was deep and calm. Ten smiled at that. The little boy he babysat was becoming a mature adult who could collect himself now. He remembered not that long ago, when SuperM's debut was announced. Lucas trembled in his seat while the CEO explained the plans. Once the higher-ups was out, he banged his head on the table and muffled his own screams, shaking. Not even Taeyong could calm him down quick enough, they had to call in Johnny, Doyoung, Heechan, Kun, until everyone practically was in the room. Then the embarrassment got the better of him and he began having a less violent, but still heart-wrenching panic attack. 

Ten can agree that panic attacks were one of the scariest things that exist, together with forest fires and the ocean. You can feel waves of fear folding inside of you, growing bigger and faster as you search frantically for the right setting of your feelings. Then it blocks your throat, clamp down your lungs, and flood you from the inside with who-knows-what. You feel like you're about to explode but you can't, and all the energy trapped inside will rip you apart. 

And even scarier when you're watching people watch you have a panic attack. The kids will show honest terror in their eyes, except probably Jaemin who's had enough of them. Some simply looked curious, those who won't bottle their feelings to this extent, the naturally strong ones. Ones like Yuta and Jaehyun, Winwin. Lucas. Even Yangyang. Then there were the most painful ones to watch. Taeyong, Doyoung and Taeil with pure worry in their faces, Jungwoo and Kun who looked like they will cry with you. If he could at the time, Ten would beg them not to care. Because it hurt too much. Even if they were to share just a fraction of it, it would hurt them too much, and not lessen a bit of Ten's pain. There was no reason for them to be empathetic. He's hurting them.

Ten would even choose panicking in front of that giant man at home, rather than the members. Because at least when a giant man was walking towards him with a stick in his hand, the only tsunami of fear that happened was in his chest. When his heart pumped like it was trying to power a neighborhood's water supply, only Ten felt like his skull would split in half. Only him. No one else. 

_"Stop! Stop shaking. Stand still. You dare? You dare cry, boy?"_

_Ten didn't care to try anymore. He_ _crouched down next to the wall, wailing._

_"Oh, you choose the big deal today, huh? Okay, let's wait how long you do it. I promise YOU WILL GET HIT. I WILL BEAT YOU UNTIL YOU'RE FULL. Right? No dinner needed. Get a taste of the stick._

_It didn't even hurt that much, but the bamboo stick was in pieces at the end of it, and he had peed himself empty in their front yard with the neighbors watching._

He felt his left side was warm, and managed not to move. Mark was pressing onto him. Ten then noticed the boy rubbing his arm casually. He smiled. 

"I know saying sorry doesn't help, hyung," he said calmly. 

'Don't worry," Ten croaked out. Mark nodded. 

"I admire you hyung. You pay so much attention to everyone. And when we mess up you're so calm. It's like you never panic. 

Ten smiled again. The lies. The lies they believed about him. The thing was, no one lied to them. They just believe it. He'd never understand why.

***

_A fucking phone call_

Mark and Taeyong were out in the studio recording the rap lines for their new song. Baekhyun had gone to film a variety show in China. Taemin was in America. It left Ten with the Tom and Jerry brothers for the night.

It felt like the time NCT stayed in a hotel together, and he went with Kun to check on the younger WayV members who were taking the most out of the opportunity to enjoy time with the Dreamies. Man was it chaotic. Most of it was random yelling and screeching, but they had to always keep an eye open, because despite the fact that only two incidents happened in the span of five hours, one of those involved almost causing a fire by cooking chicken and pasta in the rice cooker. The other was the window railing falling off. Hopefully tonight nothing would happen though, given Kai was well over 19 years old.

As of this point the most going on was Lucas stealing Kai's phone and the two play-fighting over it. Then Kai took hostage of Lucas's phone. Ten watched a little too attentively that he didn't stop his phone being snatched from his hand. 

"Hey! I'm not playing!" 

"You are now." 

"Give it back." Ten whined, but grinning. 

"Oh hey someone's calling!" Kai said. He peeked, then rolled his eyes. "Unknown number." 

Ten shrugged. Not a surprising occurrence. Kai's eyes flickered. 

"Actually, lemme take that," he said. The smirk on his face got Lucas excited. 

"Hello?" Kai began, putting the phone on speaker. Ten smiled. This might be a little fun.

"Hm, what happened tofu-brain? Voice got deeper? Grew some balls?" Ten's jaw dropped. All the sleepiness just leapt off his head. How on earth did he find his number and - 

"How come you're still not losing weight? In that picture, the airport one, so ugly. The jacket was so big you look an old lady, I thought they style you," the man said. Kai looked at Lucas in disbelief, the younger simply staring. 

"Give me that," Ten said. His voice was so steady he himself was surprised. Kai hesitated a little before handing him the phone. 

"What." He heard himself say in a note lower than he could sing. 

"How's your face, still the ugly double chin?" the man asked like he didn't notice Ten actually answering this time. 

"Don't find my number again." 

"The fuck? You're not letting your father call you? Even your friend goes on live with his mom, right? The skinny one who looks like a girl-"

"Shut the fuck up." 

"For real the new generation is broken. Not a bit of manners-" 

"I don't-" Even now. Ten can't get him to shut up. Even in front of his members, in a dorm where his identity was an idol. One of the best in the world. A sassy one in shows and one who can easily quiet sasaengs. And yet-

"Let me tell you something. The most successful people make it because of their parents' prayers. You, with no sense of respect? You're hopeless-" 

"I'm not"

"See? Believe what you want-" 

"I am not that kid. I am not yours, and never was." 

"You"

"I will not let you speak. I'm sorry sir, but we could not locate your son. Would you possibly have more clues to where he is?" 

"Fucking crazy-" 

"We will take note of this mental illness," Ten replied. He glanced over to find Kai and Lucas staring deadpan at him, eyes filled with fury but excited. "I'm sorry to inform you sir but YOUR SON IS FUCKING DEAD." 

"Go on, go have your drama-" 

"I AM NO LONGER THE KID WHO WILL RECEIVE YOUR INSULTS-" 

"See? You're too sensitive."

"I DON'T GIVE A DAMN. SHUT UP AND GET OUT OF MY LIFE. I OWE YOU NOTHING. I AM NOT SCARED OF YOU AND EVERYTHING. I MADE IT MANY TIMES AND CAN MAKE IT AGAIN. THE LOSER TIME IS OVER, YOUR REIGN IS OVER. I WILL SUCCEED AND IF YOU CALL ME AGAIN I WILL SUMMON YOU TO COURT FOR HARRASSMENT SO YOU BETTER SHUT UP AND LEAVE."

Ten clicked the phone off, putting it on the floor and glaring straight at it. He didn't know why, he simply wanted to do that. He didn't want to think of what to do, or what to explain to the others. When Kai moved slowly towards him, he turned, still glaring, but the older didn't seem bothered by it. Ten felt an arm around his shoulders, and silence. Then only he realized the tears streaking his face. He huffed, annoyed that on top of all this there was embarrassment to deal with. But Kai and Lucas didn't laugh. 

"You made it hyung. You will make it. You're never a loser," Lucas said. Ten had heard countless fans tell him that, but only this time did he actually believe it. He was done with the person who was scared of his own father and thinks he would always somehow lose. He had proven himself and will do again. He was sure of that. 


End file.
